We learn along the way in this glorious pond called life, don’t we? And what I’ve learned since our double embryo transfer is:
- It’s called the two week wait for a reason
- I am not very good at waiting
Yesterday, our third beta/HCG result was 321 – up from 37 last week. We have managed to baffle our doctors enough for them to refer us elsewhere. Next Tuesday, we’re off on a mini-break to the Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit, to have a scan.
Er, rewind a minute – was that number in the hundreds? Three hundred and twenty one? Yes, it was my loves! There is absolutely no denying it now. I am pregnant. Astonished and thrilled.
Yesterday, the nurse said again that our beta/HCG numbers are still too low. ‘Possible ectopic’, ‘unviable’, ‘not what we normally see’. Despite these predictions, I’m taking in the warm encouragement from our community online. The medics do not know everything – and until our scan next Tuesday, I am sticking my fingers in my ears about possible complications.
Instead, I will believe in my baby or babies growing inside me, until such time as someone proves conclusively otherwise – as one IVF friend said to me this week, medical professionals often think the worst.
The way I see it is this – let’s say I have two kids. I’m at their sports day, standing by the race track with the athletics coach. Ready, set, go! The coach blows the whistle and all the kids fly off the starting blocks, except mine. The coach blows again, long and hard. My kids make a slow start but they’re having a go. The coach turns to me and says: “rubbish runners, your kids, look at all the others so much further ahead.”
What would I do in this situation?
- Would I cheer my kids on?
- Would I feel proud of them for having a go?
- Would I still believe they can finish the race?
Of course I would! I would never give up on them and go home. And if the athletics coach piped up again – ‘some kids should just take Art class instead’ – I would bop his boney bum with a baton!
I just need to be a mum right now, to the little life or lives growing inside me. I am truly grateful for this strange and wonderful experience of being pregnant.
THANK YOU MOTHER NATURE FOR OUR FIRST BFP!!
From this point forward, I solemnly promise to:
- Believe in the life or lives inside me
- Talk to my future kids everyday
- Take it day by day
- Have more fun and distract myself more
- Stop believing that doctors and nurses know everything
- Refrain from panic buying another holiday (we have to cancel our holiday next week, but I honestly don’t mind)
- Eat a combination of healthy food and treats, as it doesn’t have to be perfect
- Avoid Dr Google – my symptoms are what they are, no amount of misinformation can change them
Mistakes I’ve made…
I also wanted to record here all the mistakes I made in our first two week wait, mainly as impulsive reactions to the ongoing bleeding. If we go through IVF again, I can remind myself what not to do.
Transfer day: two 5-day blastocysts come home to mamma – the happiest day.
1 day and 2 days past transfer: nothing to report – I am confident I will breeze through the 2 weeks.
3 days past 5 day transfer: Cramping, dark blood, mild panic sets in. I Google my symptoms. My TTC sisters cheer me up.
4dp5dt: Fresh bleeding begins – I think it’s all over. I draw a butterfly for about three hours – therapy!
5dp5dt: Bleeding, full flow – I decide the time is now to get a strong body. I go for a run around our local park.
6dp5dt: Bleeding, full flow – sod the TTC menu, I eat an enormous pizza.
7dp5dt: Bleeding, full flow – we book flights to Ibiza and a hotel in Formentera. I dance around the flat to celebrate. Infertility, you will not beat us!
8dp5dt: Bleeding, full flow – I do a handstand to prove I’m still young.
9dp5dt: Bleeding, full flow – we book airbnb apartment in Ibiza Town and more dancing.
10dp5dt: Dark blood – first beta/HCG test is 10 – the hospital say it’s a negative pregnancy test. They advise me to stop taking Progynova and Cyclogest. After encouragement from the TTC community, however, I request a second blood test. Hospital agree, although it’s not something they normally do.
11dp5dt: Trace of dark blood.
12dp5t: Bleeding stops – eat a large curry.
13dp5dt: Second beta/HCG test is 37 – total surprise at the rise. The nurse says the “unviable” word.
14dp5dt: an uneventful day – the official end of the two week wait. Clearance from hospital to go on holiday – hooray!
15dp5dt: Cramping, trace of blood.
16dp5dt: Spotting fresh blood.
17dp5dt: Spotting fresh blood.
18dp5dt: Another uneventful day – hooray.
19dp5dt: Dark blood.
20dp5dt: Dark blood.
21dp5dt: Dark blood and mild cramps. Third beta/HCG test is 321 – utter disbelief and delight, I am pregnant!! Nurse says they suspect ectopic. She refers us to Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit. Advised not to travel. Start process of cancelling our holiday bookings.
22dp5dt: Dark blood and mild cramps. Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit call. Scan booked for Tuesday 6th June at 11am.