Seventeen to nineteen weeks pregnant: inspired by the courage of mothers

I was very touched by three fundraising stories I came across in the past fortnight – stories which show the courage of mothers, with and without children; stories which demonstrate the infinite power of the human spirit.

I am moved by the courage of these three women. Their determination to resolve their quest inspires me, despite all the difficulties they have faced. I can empathise deeply with their stories because I recognise the formidable drive to be a parent, the instinctive need to nurture and raise and love a child.

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Anna Clancy is doing a year of fundraising in memory of her daughter, Erin Susan Clancy. Erin died when she was 22 days old. On 9th November 2016, Erin should have celebrated her fifth birthday. From that date onwards, Anna is aiming to raise £1000 in one year for Saying Goodbye, a charity which supports bereaved families. Anna’s Twitter is @ErinsGift if you want to cheer her on.

Samantha Siebold is raising funds to adopt a little girl, “Roxy”, from Eastern Europe. Roxy is 2 years old and has Down’s Syndrome. If Roxy is not adopted, she may be transferred to a mental institution at a later stage. Samantha is determined to stop this happening, by providing a home for Roxy in the US. Samantha has paid the initial fees and started on the home study process. Roxy is currently on hold in her country for the Siebolds to pursue her adoption and they are going all out with creative fundraising initiatives – including T-shirt and flower bulb sales, as well as their GoFundMe page. To find out more, Samantha’s Twitter is @inevitablysam.

Amelia Abby is fundraising for fertility treatment and egg donation for Saskia. Now in her twelfth year of trying for a baby, Saskia lost her first son in 2005, when he was born prematurely at 23 weeks. She suffered a further two stillbirths in 2006 and 2007, a beloved son and daughter. Saskia went on to have three ectopic pregnancies, losing both of her fallopian tubes. Two recent attempts at IVF – one using egg donation – did not work. However, Saskia still has the courage and energy to continue with her quest and Amelia is helping to raise the funds for her treatment. Say hi to Amelia on Twitter @eggdonor29.

I wish these women so well. Their stories capture the boundless love and energy that I have come to recognise in the hearts of many great people whom I have the pleasure to know in our community.

Seventeen to nineteen weeks pregnant: grateful for every flutter and kick

I believe the desire to have a child is a force completely beyond my control. I was aware of this desire in my teens and twenties, but it really took hold of me six years ago, aged 34. I became a mother in 2011 but it has taken six years to achieve a healthy pregnancy. I wasn’t trying to conceive for all of that time, but still the powerful instinct was there all the way, fully awakened in me, beating at my core. Aged 34, I was a mother, yet to meet her child.

Today, February 7th 2017, I am 19 weeks and 3 days pregnant – yes, I still count the days 🙂 .  I am grateful for every single day that passes without incident. I’ve been feeling flutters and mini ‘kicklets’ for the last three weeks. They are the most wonderful and reassuring signs of life. Each time they come, I’ve pressed Dad 100’s hand to my belly, hoping he can feel a little kick. For the past three weeks, he hasn’t been able to feel the movement.

Until yesterday, that is. We decided to talk to our baby, very early on Monday morning, to see if we could encourage a response. We know the baby can hear us now, so we took turns to speak. After a few minutes of ‘good morning’ and ‘hello in there’ and ‘we love you’ and ‘earth calling baby’ and ‘come on, give your mum a kick!’, Dad 100 caught four little thuds, right in the middle of his palm, one following swiftly from the other. He was utterly delighted with his catch!

Twelve to sixteen weeks pregnant: finding the way with words again

I haven’t written since before Christmas. There has been a lot to write about but I’ve been stuck for words. So, to kick off this blog, I need to rewind to five days before Christmas.

Our 12-week appointment

On 20th December, we had our 12-week appointment at St Thomas’s Hospital. We arrived in the hospital concourse with a sack of nervous excitement. As is our ritual, we put coins into the lucky Tim Hunkin machine in the hospital corridor (I’ll tell you more about Tim Hunkin’s marvellous machines another time) and then we took the lift to the eighth floor for our date with providence.

Inside the antenatal department, we took our ticket for blood queue. The first part of our appointment was the blood test for our combined screening for chromosonal disorders: Down’s, Edwards and Patau Syndrome. When the nurse called us, I felt a whoosh of nerves. I took my seat, rolled up my sleeve, then came the sharp scratch. As the syringe drew my blood, I thought how strange that there are answers in that tube, clues to the health of our child. From reading the information leaflets, I knew Down’s Syndrome is not usually life-threatening like Edwards and Patau Syndrome. There’s very little chance of survival with the latter two conditions. Dad 100 and I had talked about this test before our appointment. Of course, we both hoped for a healthy baby, but we knew we could not terminate this pregnancy if our results came back high risk. What really clinched it for me was watching a documentary called “A World Without Down’s Syndrome?” the week before our appointment. The programme was presented by the actress Sally Phillips, whose son Olly has Down’s Syndrome. She said instead of tragedy, she has experienced joy and laughter raising her son. I am so grateful I watched it because it removed so much fear for me.

After our blood test, we had to wait for our scan. I had a big drink of water – since going through IVF, I get very confused when I’m supposed to drink water and when I’m not! When we were called, I felt a skip in my stomach. I was so excited to see our baby again. Jose the sonographer asked me to lie down. He squeezed gel on my stomach. As soon as the probe touched the gel, our baby filled the plasma screen on the wall, floating around like a sleepy space cadet. Soon, there were wiggles of little arms and legs. While we gazed in delight, Jose continued with his measurements. He checked the fluid at the back of our baby’s neck (nuchal translucency) and the nasal bone, which are part of the assessment for Down’s Syndrome. Next, Jose gave us a tour around our baby’s body – spine, abdomen, stomach, bladder, kidneys, even a remarkable glimpse of the butterfly-shaped brain.
‘Excellent,’ Jose said.
I could have pressed pause on life right there.

12-week-scan-pic

After the scan, I had to see a doctor about a problematic wound I’ve had, ever since the surgery to remove my pregnancy and fallopian tube last summer. The wound has opened and closed many times, though thankfully it’s small. Dad 100 has been telling me to get it checked out with the GP but I always feel like I’m pestering her, so I didn’t go. As I was examined by a heavily pregnant doctor, Dad 100 waited for the results of our chromosonal tests. I really wanted to get back to him, to receive the news together, but the doctor was keen to swab the wound. She said they would test for infection and let me know the results.

When I came out of the consulting room, Dad 100 was sitting opposite the door. He was clutching a piece of paper. I sat down with him under the fluorescent lights – we were the last two patients in the empty department – and he showed me these numbers.

Background risk:       1:112              1:271              1:852
Adjusted risk:            1:2248           1:5426           1:17040

He pointed at three graphs on the paper and soon confirmed the fantastic news. The numbers relate to the average (background) risk for Down’s, Edwards and Patau Syndrome and the adjusted risk based on our combined blood test and scan results. Essentially, this means low risk for all three disorders – the best Christmas present we’ve ever received.

Writer’s block

I think all this good news is why I haven’t been able to write. That may seem odd but after years of hope and expectations, without such good results, each positive experience we have now takes time to sink in. The further we go on with this pregnancy, the longer it takes to settle. Initially, it’s incredulity – is this really happening to us? Then there are waves of gratitude for each milestone reached. There’s also the sense of the stakes getting higher, the further we go on. Staying focused on the moment really helps to quell any fears of loss that come up.

My blog has helped me through many tough times in the past. By writing and sharing a blog post, it has always helped me to move on from difficulties I’ve had. I suppose after the wonderful experience at 12 weeks, I didn’t really want the story to move on. It was a very safe place to be.

I’m also aware of what many people reading this may be going through in their lives. Multiple IVF cycles, pregnancy loss, the draining effects of trying to conceive for months and years on end. I know from personal experience how difficult those times can be. Of course, I am hugely grateful for this pregnancy, after years of wishing for a baby, but I also want to be mindful of people who are struggling. Saying this, I do know that in hard times, I have drawn hope and strength from other people’s breakthroughs. I have been able to celebrate other people’s success, whilst having no certainty of my own. I wish that anyone who is in pain right now finds support and comfort, is relieved of their distress.

Celebrating 40

From week 13 to week 16 of pregnancy, it’s been all quiet on the baby front. I’ve had hardly any symptoms. My energy levels have been good. We celebrated Christmas, New Year and last week my 40th birthday. All my life, I’ve loved getting older because of the increase in happiness I feel – until the struggles to conceive took hold. In my late 30s, there were one too many graphs in IVF clinics. “Just look at the DECLINE in your fertility!” they bellowed, charting the drop in IVF success rates after 35. I know doctors don’t get out of bed without evidence, but there were times when we were researching clinics after our first failed IVF cycle that I could have done without the graph of doom. That said, I do think education in school is important. I had very little idea of the facts of female fertility before going through IVF.

Anyway, I had a joyful birthday lunch with family and Dad 100 treated me to a surprise day out – and what’s brilliant is my love of getting older has been restored.

Kick me, baby!

mum100-ivf-pregnancy-blog-12-week-scan-waiting-for-kicks-squareThe night before my birthday, I was certain I felt flutters inside. They were more definite sensations than anything I’ve felt before. Could they be the first detectable kicks? It’s more noticeable when I lie down. A little bulge appears, low down in the centre or on the right hand side. It’s lovely to feel that because I don’t have an obvious bump. I put my hand on the little bulge and breathe deeply. Occasionally, it feels like a little bubble pops in my stomach or there’s a tap on a tiny tambourine. Of course, it could just be wind! I can’t wait for the first convincing boot in the belly, which could be any time from now up until 25 weeks.

Today we have a 17-week check up at the hospital with the lead consultant. I’m feeling relaxed. Miraculously, after six months of problems, my ectopic surgery wound has finally healed by itself. No antibiotics required 🙂 . I am very grateful for each little miracle and I’m beginning to trust that our good fortune will last.