The waiting room

Some days, trying to conceive feels like a waiting room. Just me, the grey walls and that large clock.

I sit in the waiting room and wonder: “Will it ever happen? When is our turn?”

My twin demons – fear and impatience – they want to know the outcome. Yesterday, preferably.

I am finding so much relief in writing and learning to draw, to express all of this. Each day, a blog is born.

And there is joy in discovering an online community. I am not alone. I have soul sisters and brothers for company – sharing our vision of creating new life.

Happy International Women’s Day to all queen bees

I’m drawing inspiration on International Women’s Day from the queen bee.

She’s the monarch of all mothers. She’s the head of the hive. She’s the ruler of reproducers. That’s enough alliteration for one day – essentially, she rocks!

According to Wikipedia: “A well-mated and well-fed queen of quality stock can lay about 1,500 eggs per day during the spring build-up—more than her own body weight in eggs.”

So, I’m channelling her extraordinary reproductive powers for our embryo transfer in May 2016.

Perhaps if I eat lots of honey on toast and hang around bee-friendly flowers, I might just get lucky.

When I look up, all is well

It was a sunny, life-affirming start to Mother’s Day. Breakfast out with Paul, celebrating our four embryos.

Then lunch with my Mum and siblings, my nieces and nephew. We brought cards and gifts for Mum. We chatted by the fire in a cosy pub.

Somewhere along the way, I dropped out of the conversation.

I couldn’t find my way back in.

I know it’s awkward for people, when they see me upset. It’s hard for them to know what to say.

I should have asked Paul or my sister – for a chat, a hug.

Only, my words weren’t working.