Nine to eleven weeks pregnant: a little box of hope

We all need some belief at Christmas. So here’s a little box of hope for all of us.

mum100-ivf-infertility-blog-a-little-box-of-hope-at-xmasThis year, I’ve witnessed many friends online and in life, bravely walking down Infertility Road. Unique to each of us, this is the most daunting road I’ve ever travelled. There is no guarantee of arrival at a delightful destination. There is no map to tell me the length of the journey. I’ve been lost at times. With help, I’ve found my way again. On Infertility Road, there are no warnings of the pitfalls ahead. There are no signs, promising refreshment around the next bend. There is encouragement, however. People wave and cheer, women and men who have travelled this road before, who have earned their spot in a shady deckchair beside Infertility Road. They’re the ones sipping pink lemonade or ice cold beer. They cannot tell anyone where their road will lead, but those cheerful soul sisters and brothers make this journey possible.

This Christmas, I have four wishes for all of us:

  • I wish that we all have people to talk to who listen and understand
  • I wish we all have enough hope to reach the next rest stop along the way
  • I wish that when each of us most needs it, a hand will reach out for ours, pull us in the right direction
  • I wish we all know we can ask for help – sometimes the people who seem the happiest, the most resilient, they are the ones who can be most in need of support.

We all have our part to play in this community. To cheer on, to comfort, to care for each other – and to allow people to do the same for us.

Week 9 to 11 of pregnancy – grateful and dare I say it, relaxed!

As 2016 comes to an end, I am very grateful to be pregnant. The small scare we had at 8 to 9 weeks’ pregnant turned out to be nothing. We were checked out at the Early Pregnancy Unit at St Thomas’s Hospital. We had various tests and an ultrasound scan, which revealed our mini-being with a clear beating heart, measuring 25.6mm (crown to rump) at 9 weeks 2 days. The scan pic looked not unlike a baby duck 🙂

chill-mum

I have relaxed since our trip to hospital. The experience proved again that the equations I do in my head about pregnancy symptoms and what they mean are often wrong. This is the furthest I have ever been in pregnancy, so how would I really know if a symptom is a good sign or a bad sign or nothing to do with the pregnancy at all? Some anxiety is understandable after a previous loss but trying to know everything, at all times, creates more anxiety than it solves.

I have also been very grateful for distractions in December. Some new work has landed in my lap – ideal timing to get a lovely project land before Christmas. Thank you to the Gods of Fortune for the helping hand. I have been Christmas shopping for my nieces and nephew. An old school friend makes handmade clothes at Huxter. You get to choose the main fabric. I love her bold and bright patterns. Here’s the outfit I bought for my two year old niece.

huxter-kids-clothing

My seven year old niece has decided she wants to be the next Stella McCartney, so I’ve bought her a dressmaker’s dummy to go with the sewing machine from my brother. She’ll be taking the fashion world by storm in 2017. My nephew has some Hamley’s Magic Pens, which I’m tempted to use myself for cartoons. We still need to get him one more gift – so if you have any inspired ideas for five year old boys, please let me know.

12 week pregnancy scan

It’s obvious to say, but all I want for Christmas is a healthy baby in July 2017. We have our 12-week scan on Tuesday 20th December. It feels a huge milestone to reach. All of our baby’s critical development is complete. My app tells me our baby is now the size of a clementine, which feels so promising. We will have screening tests for Down’s, Patau and Edwards Syndrome tomorrow. We get initial results on the day. I feel calm and clear-headed about this. I just can’t wait to see our baby again, waving and kicking on the screen.

So Christmas week, here we come

There will be panto at the Hackney Empire, last minute shopping and a Christmas roast on Friday. We’re whizzing up north on Christmas Eve to see Dad 100’s Mum. Good company, loads of food and snoozing in front of TV specials.

I’m wishing all you lovely people a happy Christmas.

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6 thoughts on “Nine to eleven weeks pregnant: a little box of hope

  1. I hope you had a lovely relaxing Christmas and everything goes well for you!! It can be so hard to relax when the last thing on your mind is to chill with all the “what if’s” swimming around – I love that little picture you put up of your scan, wishing you a chilled and relaxed pregnancy 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Doing fairly well since the second miscarriage about 4 weeks ago. Enjoyed the Christmas break and felt pretty chilled considering. I think I’m at the point now where I’ve realised no amount of worry is going to make a difference to what happens, so I think I’m prepared for what ever happens next. I hope everything is still tracking along well for you? 🙂 x

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      2. I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I can relate to that feeling of surrender regarding the worry – I remember after my ectopic pregnancy and losing the baby/left tube, I had a similar moment of realising I am not in control of any of this. Of course, the anxiety still comes and goes with this pregnancy, but I do remember more quickly that I’m not in charge of this. I wish you peace and healing. Every life matters and I’m truly sorry you lost your baby x

        Liked by 1 person

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